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Thursday December 07, 2006

Guest Column

Review: The 77th Annual Academy Awards

Inside takes on the show from LA

By Katie Armstrong

BRIGHTON, MICHIGAN MARCH 1, 2005

Ah, the Oscars.  Such a fantastic opportunity to the pass judgment.  And those of you who know me understand that passing judgment is my favorite.  Let's get started.

My sweet, sweet nellies Star Jones Reynolds is an absolute moron.  Her constant stream of empty compliments gets more disingenuous with each visit to the red carpet. "Girlfriend, you look amazing!".  "No, Star you look amazing!"  "No you!"  "No you!" 

 

Look Star, you do look amazing.  Amazingly creepy. The more weight she has suctioned out of her body the more toad-like she becomes.  She was ratcheted into that dress so tight her back fat looked like a balloon.

Kathy Griffin would have reigned supreme as the most annoying on the red carpet - if she had been near it. Apparently E! got wise and kept Ms. Griffith away from the other humans.  Rather she spent her camera time pretending to talk to celebrities on her cell phone. How is that funny?

 

The Best Dressed - oh who cares?

The Worst Dressed -
Hillary Swank
Her dress looked like a navy blue straight jacket. The back was cut deep so
she could demonstrate her apparent lack of a butt crack. The worst was that accessory she calls a husband.

Laura Linney
What kind of wind-tunnel faux Mohawk was that? Was her eye makeup applied by Sharpie?

Renee Zellweger
The tight and stiff dress trend was personified by this number. She looked
even more pinched than normal as she skittered across the stage. The dark
hair, pale skin red lipstick look is not working for you Renee!

Scarlett Johansson
Her dress was nice enough- but what on earth happened to her hair?! It
looked like a tumbleweed with a tiara on top.

Drew Barrymore
Looked like a dude.

No real comments on the actual awards.

 



 

Pre-Oscar Notes

SALINE, MICHIGAN FEBRUARY 25, 2005

Here's your preview of the 77th Annual Academy Awards show live from the Kodak theatre. Chris Rock received all kinds of heat from several media sources, including a few statements about his penchant for attending abortion rallies.

 

Well, as some Chris Rock fans might know, this is an old Rock stand-up bit. In fact, you can hear it on his 1991 (that's right) album called "Born Suspect" (go to track 14). So shame on Rock for using old material, shame on the media for overreacting to a comedy routine.

Speaking of comedy, we're looking forward to the comedy of Kathy Griffin, but no so much everyone else including Joan and Melissa Rivers, Star Jones, Nancy O'Dell, and their fashion reviews on E!, Access Hollywood, the Insider, and Entertainment Tonight.

 

Predictions?.  If you haven't seen all the films, it's kind of tough to make calls, but here's one.

- Jamie Foxx looks like a lock for the 2005 Best Actor Oscar for his portrayal of Ray Charles in the movie, Ray.  I finally saw the movie last week.  Memo to Ray Charles (rest in peace), lay off the drugs and the ladies.  Sheesh.  That was an unexpected theme of the movie.

 

The word on the street is that Foxx is a lock and this is another case where you know the voters will honor someone ill, old, or recently deceased (Charles).  Foxx is also nominated for Collateral, but I don't see that happening.

Related:

2004 Academy Awards Recap: The Oscars

Grammy Awards 2004: Recap and Review

Guest Column: Inside the 45th Annual Grammy Awards

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