New Olympic Sports?

What we need to improve the Olympics

SALINE, MICHIGAN  SEPTEMBER 7, 2004

The U.S. hoops team gets crushed by Italy, Puerto Rico and just squeaks past Greece.  The U.S. baseball team doesn't even qualify for the games.  Here are some new events I think we should add next time to enhance the medal count:

- Men's Slow Pitch Softball.   With keg of beer in each dugout.

- Football.  Think about Ray Lewis lining up for the Stars and Stripes against Puerto Rico.

- 100 Meter Dash - White Guys only.  Jason Sehorn, Blake Ezor, and Tim Dwight battle all of the other guys with the "fastest white man" labels.

- Golf (Long Drive).  Puds like Jason Zubak line up along side of Tiger, JD and the other long-ball hitters.

- Stock Car Racing.  3 guaranteed medals for North Carolina.