Stepford Wives

Um, yeah. This movie was terrible. In this remake of the 70s classic that I’ve never seen, Nicole Kidman plays a burned out TV Exec who moves to the country with hubby Mathew Broderick. Before long they notice that something in Stepford just isn’t right.  The movie did have some slightly amusing moments near the second quarter, but quickly devolved into a jumble of utter nonsense. (You may want to skip the rest if you still want to see the movie) At first you are led to believe that these women are robotic doppelgangers of their former selves; evidenced by their ability to spit money a la an ATM out of their mouths, shoot sparks, be controlled by a remote, and grow giant breasts on command.  At one point you even see the robot shell of the new Nicole. However, as it turns out these women have simply been transformed through the placement of four microchips onto their brain! Microchips that can be deactivated when a certain someone pounds on the controls all 2001 Space Odyssey-like. If you do decide to watch this movie, you may want to first install some sort of brain numbing microchip.

Super Size Me

Beware McDonald lovers- Morgan Spurlock is about to nauseate you. This movie is an amusing farce based on some not so amusing facts. Fact being- Americans are sedentary tubs of jelly who just can’t shovel in the fast food fast enough. Now I admit to loving Taco Bell with all of my heart, and no movie is going to change that. Actually I don’t expect this movie to change the behavior of many people. What I do hope is that we stop and think before we allow McDonald’s and the like to set up fast food joints in our school cafeterias. It’s certainly worth watching.  Near the end of the movie, Spurlock provides an update: Detroit is now the fattest city in the nation. Way to go Motown! Coney! Coney! Coney!

Fahrenheit 9/11

Let’s see… if you like Michael Moore and agree with his politics, this movie is a scathing illustration of what is wrong with the direction this county is heading. If you don’t agree with Moore’s politics this movie is LIES all LIES! Bottom line, this movie has a clear agenda. Moore is successful in using stock footage to make Bush and his cronies look foolish (the scene of Ashcroft singing his eagle song is breathtaking). He does not however make a convincing connection between the Bush and Bin Laden families. No matter your politics, Fahrenheit 9/11 is deeply disturbing. It contains extremely graphic images that I couldn’t close my eyes fast enough to avoid. But I think that was the point. The footage combined with interviews of the soldiers and their families serve as heart wrenching reminders of the sacrifices being made on all of our behalf.

Spiderman 2

What to say about Spidey? Kind of an eye-roller. Toby McGuire plays the hapless Peter Parker to a T. Even if he is Spiderman, Kirsten Dunst’s M.J. is ridiculously, humongously out of his league. The movie intersperses video-spidey and man-spidey fairly smoothly. Alfred Molina plays Doc-Ock, a creepy mad scientist with mechanical arms attached to his spine. For those of you with kids beware- Doc Ock’s tentacle antics are scary. Kids in the theater were freaking out. I was too a little. But anyway, this is summer blockbuster material. In one truly moving soliloquy, Aunt May teaches us all that heroes are real important and sacrifice is necessary to achieve herodom. Basically, if you liked the first Spiderman, you will probably like the second. And I’m sure you will like the third, which was shamelessly set up in the closing scenes.

Dodgeball: A true underdog story

Now my friends, this is a fantastic movie. Utterly stupid, and trying for nothing more. Vince Vaughn plays an underachieving gym owner in danger of losing his decrepit property to the evil Ben Stiller. You can tell that Ben Stiller is not Derek Zoolander because of his bigger muscles, deeper voice and real tight singlet. Another throwback to Zoolander is Stiller’s wife. Her wooden delivery and scrunch the forehead-brand of acting is just as amusing as the jokes. I particularly enjoyed the gleefully exaggerated sound of the dodgeballs connecting with faces, legs, and all flesh in between. Remember, like many great films, Dodgeball is best enjoyed after a few beers.

Anchorman

I love Will Ferrell. Just looking at him makes me happy. I haven’t even seen Anchorman yet, but I can tell you now that I loved it. Anchorman also best enjoyed after a few beers.